Thinking About Relationships

Human relationships are never easy.  In fact, sometimes they’re downright messy.  Because we are all imperfect people, there are no perfect relationships.  I will hurt people, and people will hurt me.  It’s just part of living in a fallen world.  And no matter how hard we try, we cannot make things work differently this side of heaven.  Now that probably sounds pretty negative to some people, but here’s how the Lord has been encouraging me lately:

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”        Ephesians 6:12

Every time I struggle in a human relationship, I need to remember that the other person isn’t the problem – Satan is.  He is the one who seeks disunity and chaos, and he will do anything he can to accomplish it, especially among Christians . . . because his negative work in relationships often keeps one or both people sidelined for kingdom work – and that was his goal all along.  But here’s the kicker: since Satan is the “father of lies” (John 8:44), he deceives both people in a relationship into thinking they alone are the one who is “right”; and so the enemy’s work wins.

God has also been reminding me of something else.  While we find it easy to elevate human relationships as the most important, ultimately God is more interested in our relationship with him (Matthew 10:37-39).  Regardless of whether reconciliation and restoration of a human relationship occurs, of primary importance is both people’s relationships with God. 

Which brings me to the practical part of this.  While we are to seek to live at peace with all people (Hebrews 12:14), Jesus acknowledged that this was not always going to happen.  So he told us what to do when relationships break down: “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28).  Probably not the first thing we want to do when the imperfection of human relationships rears its head, but well worth the effort if we want to keep growing with God and hope the same for the other person.    

Rethinking the Great Commission

Recently I was struck by something I read in My Utmost for His Highest, the classic devotional book by Oswald Chambers.  Here is what he said:

“. . . we are not to save souls, but to disciple them.  Salvation and sanctification are the work of God’s sovereign grace; our work as his disciples is to disciple lives until they are wholly yielded to God.  One life wholly devoted to God is of more value to God than one hundred lives simply awakened by His Spirit.”

As someone raised in the church, I have been taught all of my life that the Great Commission given by Jesus before he ascended to heaven was all about winning souls to Christ.  Yes, I knew that only God could save someone; but the era I grew up in also saw a lot of activity by Christians aimed at trying to make sure that happened – like going to the park armed with “Four Spiritual Laws” booklets, handing out tracts to trick-or-treaters, and later trying to convert those around us with “friendship evangelism”.

Somewhere along the way, God laid a passion on my heart for discipleship.  I’ve never been an active evangelist – though I think there is a place for that and a spiritual gifting from God in that area (Ephesians 4:11).  It’s just not the way God wired or gifted me.  I am passionate about spiritual growth – helping others to move from basic knowledge about God to the practical reality of walking every day in close relationship with our heavenly Father.

Many American churches today have become so seeker-oriented that they have lost much of their depth.  If every Sunday service is designed to make unsaved people feel more comfortable, what happens to the spiritual growth of those already saved?  The Great Commission has been used as the mandate for missionaries, but what did Jesus really say?  “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you” (Matthew 1:19-20).

Maybe we’ve missed the point.  Maybe our job is not to get caught up in trying so hard to “save” people. Maybe our job is to make sure we’re showing people how to truly be a Christ-follower.  It really boils down to living the way Jesus did . . . fully devoting himself to his heavenly Father and helping those around him to do the same.  I’m reminded of another passage of Scripture that tells us what the early church (shortly after the giving of the Great Commission) was like:

“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer . . . And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”           Acts 2:42 & 47b

Yes, we need to go.  But when we do, let’s make sure we’re making disciples and not just fans of God – showing them through our obedience how to obey and follow Christ.  And let’s leave the saving to God.