An October Memory

 

 

I haven’t had a first date in 47 years, and I’m pretty thankful that dating isn’t on my agenda in the changed environment of the 21^st century. You see, yesterday marked the 47^th anniversary of my first date with my future husband, and we’ve been together ever since. 

It was 1978. He had just turned eighteen, and I was barely twenty. Our eyes met at an all-campus event the first week of school at our college; and in the weeks that followed we had friendly exchanges while my roommate and I continued our practice from the previous year of eating dinner with members from the fifth floor of a neighboring dorm . . . which just happened to be the floor my future husband was living on during his first semester on campus that Fall.

Our first date (on a Thursday night) wasn’t glamorous, but it was meaningful. He asked me to go to a concert on campus, but we could only attend the first half because I was playing in an intramural volleyball game later in the evening. He came to watch my game as part of our date, and he thought I might be an athlete like he was . . . until he saw me play. He didn’t tell me his impression until much later! After the game, we took a walk along the canal that ran next to the gym. 

I’ll admit that, in my third year of college, I was looking for a possible future husband. I had dated enough guys in the first two years to at least know what I didn’t want. Ron seemed different, and I was immediately struck by how well he treated me and his obvious affection for me. We discovered early on that we shared a love of music and of travel. We both fell quickly and never looked back – marrying 21 months later. 

That first date seems like a lifetime ago, and in a lot of ways it was. Forty-seven years is a long time! And marriage has brought many ups and downs. The traditional vows have taken on new meanings as we have experienced life together – for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. We have disappointed each other many times, but we have chosen to forgive the other one over and over through the years. And we both still love music and still love to travel! 

My brother and I got married the same year, and I have never forgotten a message that my new sister-in-law received from a relative of hers whose husband had made some choices that had created difficulty for his family. A simple phrase that summed up her approach to making her marriage work: “A happy marriage isn’t about marrying the right partner . . . it’s about being the right partner.”   

As I continue to add years to the timeframe since my first date with my husband-to-be, and as life continues to be a journey of ups and downs, I’m asking God to help me every day to be the kind of partner that brings happiness and joy to my marriage. And to trust God for the things I can’t control or change. We have less years ahead of us than those behind, but together we can continue to face the future with love for each other and guided by God as we have been since that first date so many years ago. 

The Tie That Binds

 

We hadn’t spoken a single word or had any interaction since we saw each other over eight years ago at a mutual friend’s memorial service. And it had been nearly thirteen years since we worked together closely and shared the daily ups and downs of our personal lives with each other. But our two-and-a-half-hour phone call this past week proved that some ties are not easily broken. 

My former boss and I have a long history. Over fifty years ago, when I was just a teenager, she married my youth pastor and they began their ministry serving God together in our small-town church. With different personalities, she and I were never best friends; but we had mutual appreciation for each other and a shared love of God. We made many good memories before they left our church and started a new church of their own. 

When I was looking for a job more than twenty years later, God graciously steered me to apply for a job at our local hospital . . . only to discover that my new boss would be my former youth pastor’s wife. Despite the necessary adjustments to our new roles, we worked well together and were able to share more than just work life with each other. Six years later when I returned to my favorite job as a fulltime homemaker, we parted on good terms and went back to living separate lives. 

But when we talked on the phone last week, it seemed as if no time at all had passed since our last conversation. I’ve experienced this before with other Christian friends, so I know that this is a result of the grace of God. Jesus told his disciples in Matthew 18:20, “For where two or three have gathered in My name, I am there in their midst.” And I have seen this happen many times. Shared beliefs invite the presence of the Holy Spirit, who binds God’s people together despite distance or lapse of time.  

I don’t know how long it will be before my friend and I will speak again. We both live full lives and continue to serve God in separate towns as he gives us opportunities. But I do know that whether we ever speak again or see each other again on this earth, we will spend eternity together in God’s presence because we have both chosen to follow Jesus while living here. 

I’m reminded of the first verse of a hymn from my childhood and early adult life that we always sang each month at the end of a Sunday service that included taking communion. We would join hands across the aisles and celebrate the tie that binds all Christians together . . . the love we share for God and for each other. It truly is a little bit of heaven on earth! And that’s a tie that will never be broken, but will carry over into eternity.

Living and Actively Working

 

Just call me Alexander . . . you know, that guy who had that one terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day! We’ve all had them; and how we’ve responded sometimes reflects our state of mind before the not-very-fun day began.

I was beginning my seventh day of running a fever and the third morning after sitting up to sleep all night due to breathing issues from pneumonia. I had already had to accept that I would not be leading my new Women’s Bible Study at church that night and someone else would have to cover for me. 

As I opened my medicine cabinet, a decent-sized spider that had taken up residence decided this would be a good time to drop down onto my countertop and try to take over. The spider was wrong . . . I took off my slipper and beat it mercilessly until it was no longer recognizable! 

Next, I went to the kitchen to try and restore some of my electrolytes with a small glass of Gatorade. But it would be a while before my body received any help, as I accidentally hit the glass with my elbow and sent it flying to the throw rug below . . . leaving a pool on the countertop, a pool on the rug, and splattered drink down the front of the dishwasher and across a three-to-four-feet radius on the floor. The words that came out of my mouth probably weren’t the most uplifting I’ve ever uttered! 

Now I was tasked with wiping the countertop and dishwasher, mopping the floor, and eventually washing the rug. I asked God why he thought this was a good idea for me that day when he knew how bad I felt physically. He didn’t answer me audibly; but I knew from a lifetime of walking with him that this probably had something to do with either my growth or his glory. At that moment, I really wasn’t interested in either of those options. 

As I went to get the mop from the wall-mounted mop rack, I was greeted with the fact that the rack was beginning to fall off of the wall. You can imagine how happy I was with that information. All I wanted to do was sit down and rest with some Gatorade. But as I cleaned up the mess, I began to think about some of David’s reactions in the Psalms. 

No part of the Bible is a mistake, but instead is God’s written Word. Even when David or other Psalmists were basically yelling at God and telling him how unhappy they were. Here are a couple of examples: “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?” (Psalm 13:1); or “Why, O Lord, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?” (Psalm 10:1). 

But here’s the part of the Psalms that I love: these and other passages validate my human feelings, but they don’t stop there. Listen to the words just a few verses after those quoted above: “But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.” (Psalm 13:5-6); and “But you do see . . . O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear . . . “ (Psalm 10:14 & 17). It seems that God is okay with our questions and our cries, as long as we remember Who he is and what he’s done in the past and choose to be thankful in spite of our less-than-ideal moments or days. 

I can always count on Scripture to center me and bring my thoughts into proper alignment, even on my worst days. That’s the power of God’s living Word. What a gift we have been given!

Keeping My Mind Engaged

With four grandchildren who all live in the same house together, three of whom are also very close in age, I am always looking for new ideas for birthday and Christmas gifts. And, given my practical and teacher mindset, I usually buy things that will help develop their minds and not just their creative play inclinations. 

 One of my latest gifts for my ten-year-old granddaughter was an Extreme Dot-to-Dot book with pictures of baby animals that each contained hundreds of numbered dots to connect to form the pictures. She started creating almost immediately after opening the gift! But then I had an idea.

 

I also have always enjoyed doing dot-to-dot pictures; and with a couple of long flights coming up for our vacation, I was looking for more than my usual book to read on the planes to help pass the hours of confined inactivity. So, since I was flying internationally for our trip, I purchased for myself an Extreme Dot-to-Dot book with pictures of well-known scenery and other places around the world. And with my mind fully engaged, I managed to conquer eight of the pictures during four flights – including the most difficult two-page picture with 2,201 numbered dots! 

In this technology-saturated world that we live in, I’ve been thinking about the importance of continuing to use my mind as I grow older. While there are some great tools available for that on technology devices, screen time also presents the added danger of mindless activities that do nothing to keep me sharp and alert. And I’m reminded of Peter’s warning in his first letter to “be sober-minded” and to “be watchful” because Satan is prowling around like a lion just looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). 

There is a lot of emphasis in our culture on keeping our physical bodies fit and pushing our physical limits to improve strength and health. But when our minds need help, we often resort to medications instead of putting in the hard work to keep mentally fit. Maybe we could prevent some problems with our minds if we were more attentive to proactive measures before our brains forget how to think. I’m no expert, but I wonder. 

When I think about the words that Jesus identified as the “greatest commandment”, I am reminded that it involves every part of me . . . loving God with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all my strength (Mark 12:30). So, if I’m going to do that well, I need to use all the power I have to keep all four of those parts of me operating as well as I can. And only a sharp mind allows me to study God’s Word and maintain an undivided heart that is fully devoted to God (Psalm 86:11). 

Time to do some more reading and a dot-to-dot picture or two . . .

Adjusted Dreams

 

When I was nineteen years old, I had the privilege of spending a month in London, England on a study tour and traveling around England as well as to Scotland and Wales. I remember riding London’s “tube” (subway system) all over the city and taking BritRail trains to many other locations in Great Britain. I probably walked a hundred miles in the thirty-some days I was living there, and much of what I did was by myself on my own. 

A couple of months after I returned home, I met my future husband and shared all of my experiences with him. I was anxious to actually share these places with my new love, and soon after we began dating we started talking about marriage and the dream of someday going to Great Britain and possibly Ireland together. As idealistic young college students, we hoped this future trip would take place much sooner than it did. Last week, my husband and I returned from a nineteen day trip to Scotland and Ireland celebrating our 45^th wedding anniversary. It took a long time to take our dream trip, but we finally made it!

But this was not the trip we had originally envisioned when we were young. Unforeseen physical disabilities and food/eating issues that have modified our lifestyle as we have aged dictated that our trip would also need to be modified from our original youthful plans. Walking would need to be more limited, and there would be no trains or subways this time around. We let someone else help us see these countries via tour buses with pre-planned stops. We scheduled a few down days into our agenda when we were on our own for a few days in each country. In more ways than one, we are not the same people that we were when we married so many years ago. 

But we discovered that we could still enjoy this long-awaited trip, and we could still celebrate our blessings. And with an uncertain future (which is always true but more real as we age), we are grateful that we chose to “seize the day” and take this trip now instead of waiting for retirement or our golden anniversary. Only God knows what we will still be able to physically do in the years ahead, and we are very thankful for the life he has allowed us to share so far. 

Let me encourage you to seize the day in your own life – not in the sense of living frivolously and carelessly in the pursuit of pleasure, but in the sense of seizing opportunities and trusting God for the future. You don’t have to travel if that’s not your thing; but, if you are fortunate as we are to still have your spouse, take every chance you get to experience life together – whatever that looks like for you. Celebrate the goodness of God together and appreciate every minute as you share each day. Dreams may change over time, but adjusted dreams can still bring a lot of joy.

Surprised By Grace

I was on my way home from making a quick trip to the store for a grocery pickup order and was stopped at a traffic light with a couple dozen other cars. I was only a few blocks away from my home. And then it happened. 

In a moment that felt both like the blink of an eye and also slow-motion, my foot slipped off of the brake pedal and momentarily refused to cooperate with my brain. As I struggled unsuccessfully to get my foot back on the brake, all I could do was watch my car rolling closer and closer to the car ahead of me. I was helpless as I said “No, no, no” and heard the crunch that stopped my car from rolling. I said a quick prayer for God to help me through the next few minutes that I knew would be awkward.

The driver of the car I hit jumped out of his car and uttered some form of expletive, then motioned for us to cross over the lane next to us to reach a small parking lot. I nodded and followed him over. I didn’t plan what happened next, but as I turned my car off and started to exit my vehicle, I began to tear up. I don’t usually cry easily, but I guess my body just reacted spontaneously to the reality of being the only party responsible for what had just happened. 

My first words to the thirty-or-forty-something man with a broken accent were, “I’m so sorry, sir.” As I prepared to take pictures of the damage with my phone, he asked me, “What were you doing? Were you on your phone?” To which I replied with a wavering voice through my tears, “No, I was not on my phone. My foot slipped off the brake pedal, and I couldn’t get my foot to work fast enough to stop the car. I’m old, and sometimes my feet don’t work right.”

The innocent man started examining the damage to his vehicle (at least one dent), and after a minute he said, “You know what?” I said, “What?” And that’s when he spoke words I wasn’t expecting to hear: “I forgive you.” My response was, “Are you kidding?” He repeated, “I forgive you.” And I persisted, “Are you sure?” He quietly said, “Yes, you have a good rest of your day.” Shocked, I muttered something like, “Thank you . . . bless you!” And then he got in his car and drove away. 

I returned to my car and immediately was overwhelmed with both tears and the realization that I had just encountered grace – both from a stranger and from God. And I was reminded of how God’s forgiveness is a free gift and how God’s grace is unexpected and unmerited . . . and yet generously poured out on all who choose to fully trust him. 

I would have preferred to not have this recent experience, but I am grateful for the opportunity to once again be made aware of God’s love and care for me and his gift of grace that I first trusted when I was just a child. As I drove the rest of the way home, I prayed that God would bless the young man who had chosen to bless me . . . and that he would have the opportunity to know and trust the God I love in the future if he has not already made that choice. Grace truly is an amazing thing!